Author: Caroline Goldsmith, Consulting Psychologist
When a child is diagnosed with autism, a huge amount of attention — understandably — goes toward understanding their needs and finding the right supports. But families rarely talk enough about the other children in the house, who are navigating their own version of this experience too.
What Siblings Often Experience
Siblings of autistic children frequently describe a mix of emotions that can be hard to put into words, especially when they’re young themselves:
• Pride and protectiveness toward their sibling
• Confusion, particularly younger siblings who don’t yet understand why their brother or sister behaves differently
• A sense of being overlooked, especially during periods when a sibling’s needs require intensive attention
• Guilt about feeling frustrated or resentful, followed by guilt about that frustration itself
• Worry about their sibling’s future, sometimes well beyond what’s age-appropriate
None of these reactions mean something has gone wrong in the family. They’re a normal response to a genuinely complex family situation.
Practical Ways to Support Siblings
Give them age-appropriate explanations. Children often imagine something far more frightening or confusing than the reality when they’re left to fill in gaps themselves. A simple, honest explanation — pitched at their level — tends to ease anxiety more than silence does.
Protect one-on-one time. Even fifteen minutes of undivided attention, consistently offered, can make a real difference to a sibling who often feels like the household revolves around someone else’s needs.
Let them have their own feelings without correction. Resist the urge to immediately reframe a sibling’s frustration (“but you know your brother can’t help it”). Acknowledging the feeling first — *that sounds really frustrating* — before offering context tends to land better.
Involve them, but don’t make them responsible. Many siblings naturally want to help and be involved in supporting their brother or sister. That’s healthy, as long as it doesn’t tip into the sibling carrying a level of responsibility that isn’t appropriate for their age.
Watch for signs they need their own support. Persistent anxiety, withdrawal, or behavioural changes in a sibling are worth taking seriously and, where needed, addressing with professional support in their own right — not just folding it into the family’s broader autism support plan.
Why This Matters for the Whole Family
Family wellbeing isn’t just the sum of how each individual child is doing — it’s also about the relationships between them. Siblings who feel seen, included, and supported tend to develop strong, resilient relationships with their autistic brother or sister that last well into adulthood.
Quick answer: Is it normal for a sibling to feel resentful sometimes?
Yes, this is a very common and understandable reaction, especially during periods of intense focus on the autistic child’s needs. It doesn’t reflect a lack of love.
Quick answer: Should siblings be included in therapy or assessment appointments?
This depends on the family and the sibling’s age, but many families find it helpful for siblings to have some understanding of the process, even if they’re not directly involved in every appointment.
If your family is navigating life after a diagnosis and you’d like support that considers everyone involved, [get in touch with Caroline Goldsmith to discuss family-centred support options →]